FOBA

I have this fear..the fear of being alone. My friend Alex made it up at the pub the other night when I was telling her about how hard it is going to be for me to be on my own traveling next year. I have won a scholarship which enables me to get out into the world and do some research and exploration. A wonderful once in a life time opportunity tinged with the fear of being on my own. I am very competent and capable of traveling solo and have no fears on that account. However, past experience has shown me that more than a couple of hours on my own is terrible. I get lethargic and morose without the energy and company of others and very bad demons enter my head. It is dark. This is a sad but unchangeable personality trait.

I love parties, family gatherings, work, chance meetings, children, old people, anyone I can talk to and hang out with. I am not a mad woman who talks to strangers in that awkward way but give me a smile and some encouragement and I can have a lough and make a nice connection with almost anyone. My deep need of people drives me. So, how the hell am I going to manage for one month with no friends or family on tap?

Well, I have come up with some plans... 1. Going to a conference in Amsterdam where I am hoping to know at least one or two people from NZ. I am doing the hard yards now making connections and hoping like hell there are people there I know and who are prepared to spend time with me. I am looking for a fun outgoing and energetic person who doesn't need a lot' alone time' themselves.

2. On the England leg of the journey I am impinging for days upon my lovely sister in law Louisa whose company I love. I am also planning that we will have a weekend away somewhere so I can get a people battery zap (as well as give her a break from her busy life and just hang out together exploring a new place for us both)

3. A colleague from NZ has also asked if she can join me on some of my journey, phew...that is a relief. Although she is quite different in her need for people and loves her alone time, I think this will work.

I admire people who travel for work who can spend time with others and then have those yawning hours from early evening to mid morning usually on their own. I am guessing you just do lots of work to fill in the time. My experience has been that when you are meeting people from other countries they don't always 'host' you outside the meeting so you are just left to your own devices.

4. Another thing I might do is beg some people to hook me up with people they know in various cities and make them spend time with me. That will take so chutzpah but I think I am up for it. The joys of aging for me(and there are few I can attest) is knowing and accepting myself, putting myself out there, asking for what I need and not worrying too much what people think of me. This is not easy for everyone, I struggle with it but for my sanity I am going to embrace it and see how it goes. My journey will appear on this page, as much for my own enjoyment as anything else.